Differentiation (Being Your Own Person) Part 3

Differentiation (Being Your Own Person)

“… we emerge from our family or origin at about the highest level of differentiation our parents achieved.  Our basic level of differentiation is pretty much established by adolescence and can remain at that level for life.  In the process of regulating their own emotions, poorly differentiated parents pressure their children for togetherness or distance, which stops children from developing their ability to think, feel, and act for themselves.  They learn to conduct themselves only in reaction to others.”  (p. 69)


“By now the paradoxes of differentiation should be clear:  while differentiation allows us to set ourselves […]

Energizing Activities

What do you do when you get tired, stressed, bored, or cranky?  The purpose behind this list is to help you identify — and them remember — the exact things you can do in order to restore your soul, energize your body, balance you day, and/or snap out of it — If you know what I mean.

List the things that you REALLY enjoy doing, and write down how long it usually takes for that item to do its magic on you.  These must be things that really energize, nurture, and/or center you.  They may be things that you either usually […]

By | January 22nd, 2013|Categories: Healthy Living, Personal Development|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Initial Coaching Questions

Murphy Toerner

Initial Session Coaching Questions:

These give you a few ideas
1. What have you been procrastinating about lately?

2. What is the most important thing you learned in 2012?

3. What are your best strengths? What are two of your greatest areas of improvement?

4. What characteristics or traits do you find most appealing in others?

5. If you were guaranteed success, what would you do?

6. What “hidden” talents do you possess?

These types of questions create insight and seeing yourself more clearly enhances your coaching success.


By | January 19th, 2013|Categories: Career Coaching, Christian Living, Personal Development|Tags: |0 Comments

Failed Marriages; Failed Relationships

Identifying the “four horsemen” of failed relationships
Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, has studied thousands of couples for decades. By dissecting every nuance of their rapport from eye rolls to shrugs, he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a relationship will eventually dissolve. Four traits turned out to be the most reliable predictors of a breakup (especially when they’re combined in some fashion), so Gottman named them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These traits include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking your partner’s personality or […]

By | January 14th, 2013|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: |0 Comments

Living God’s Plan for Your Life

Nancy Murphy Toerner

There is a difference between being alive and living.

Vibrant living is God’s intention for mankind; regardless of external circumstances.  How does one live vibrantly?

First, let’s familiarize ourselves with what VIBRANT means:  Vibrant (adj.) means pulsating with vigor and energy (the vibrant life of a large city); vigorous; energetic; vital (a vibrant personality); exciting, stimulating, lively (vibrant colors; a vibrant performance); (from Dictionary APP via iPhone).

I can not begin to describe my life as pulsating with vigor and energy; or continually energetic, exciting, stimulating or lively.  More commonly my life is: busy, tiresome, common, and […]

By | December 6th, 2012|Categories: Motivation, Recovery, Spiritual Maturity|Tags: |0 Comments

God’s Redemption For the Broken

Thoughts from our session together:

1.  When I think like God thinks, I’m free.

2. There’s always another side (another way of seeing something) to the same coin.

3. Did you ever think God removed you from that situation to cut down on the injuries you would have received?

4. Embrace the fact that I’m broken.  Do not deny it or reject it because God works best through broken people who know their need for Him.

5.  Look up Esther 4:14

6.  God never wastes the pain and everything is redemptive.

By | November 30th, 2012|Categories: Counseling Men, Counseling Women, Personal Coaching, Recovery|Tags: |0 Comments

Psalm 143:8 (NIV)

v. 8 — Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my TRUST IN YOU.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

In what or whom do you put your trust?  

No job is secure.

Our health declines.

Our beauty wanes; our intellect fades.

No person is perfectly dependable.

ONLY GOD is the same yesterday, today, and forever!!!!!

Murphy Toerner

By | October 24th, 2012|Categories: Spiritual Maturity|Tags: |0 Comments

Ten Heartfelt Acts of Kindness

1.  Smile quickly and easily.

2. Pat someone on the back.

3. Mail an unexpected, caring letter or email to a friend.

4. Let someone ahead of you in line.

5. Do a kind deed anonymously.

6. Leave a funny card or post-it note under the windshield wiper of someone you care about.

7. Express gratitude.

8. Relay an over-heard compliment.  Forget an over-heard criticism.

9. Tape a love note on the refrigerator — even if it is to yourself. Or send a text to someone you care deeply about and offer encouraging words.

10. Lend a favorite book, DVD, or CD.  Don’t nag to get it back.






By | October 15th, 2012|Categories: Change/Motivation|Tags: |0 Comments

Something to Think About

Something to Think About

  • God knows all, sees all, is all powerful, and ever present.
  • God is never stupid.
  • He created me to be a human being.  He knows I’m fallible, fragile, and vulnerable.
  • He knows that because of my humanity I have a principle of sin, which indwells me.
  • God knows what I will think, say and do a bazillion years before I do.  Nothing surprises Him.
  • Does God allow me to sin?   He has the power to convict me before I do what is wrong?  He could easily force me to follow Him perfectly.
  • Does He wait to see if I will […]
By | August 29th, 2012|Categories: Spiritual Maturity|Tags: |0 Comments
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