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233 August 20th
Forgiveness
Matthew 18:21-35
When mentioning forgiveness, many people balk at the idea. They have their reasons. It’s ludicrous, in their minds, to forgive some of the people who have badly injured them. So often, forgiveness seems impossible.
What is forgiveness?
It is releasing someone from a debt they created when they injured you. By releasing them, you are saying, “You don’t have the means or ability (physically, emotionally, monetarily, or spiritually) to reimburse or make reparation for the injury you have done. Therefore, I cancel your debt and turn you over to God.”
The Greek word for “forgive” is release. Neal Anderson defines forgiveness as: not holding the past against someone. Charles Stanley says that forgiveness is releasing someone from having to pay a debt created via an injury.
Why is forgiveness so difficult for us, even as Christians?
It’s difficult because deep within every human being is a moral plumb line which knows right from wrong and which demands justice for our injuries. It is also difficult because we don’t understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t.
Forgiveness is not:
· Excusing – it is not minimizing by trying to make sense of why someone hurt us. It is not about explaining the reasons from someone’s actions. When we forgive someone, we are still holding that person responsible for their choices; responsible for their actions.
· Tolerating – When we forgive, we are not letting someone get away with it. If they have committed a crime, we have the choice of pressing charges. All criminal behavior is unacceptable. Depending on the offense: jail time, reparation or restitution, formally requesting forgiveness, etc may be necessary.
· Forgetting – this is one of the biggest myths about forgiveness. You remember the old saying, “Forgive and forget.” This is totally unfounded. Although in time we may forget lesser offenses, we may never forget the most destructive or heinous hurts. We will carry the pain (the hurt and the memory) of other people’s choices for the rest of our lives. When we forgive we are releasing the person and turning them over to a higher power. By doing this, we are letting go of our anger, resentment, and our bitterness toward the offender. These things, in time, could actually be more destructive than the original offense.
· Minimizing or dismissing our pain – What most of us do when we are injured, we cover up the depth and degree of our pain. We minimize it. We quickly say that we’re all right. This is one of the most common responses and it is one of the most destructive. Instead, we need to actually allow ourselves to feel our pain. We need to enter into it. Covering, minimizing, denying, coping will not help us “let go” of our pain. Acknowledging the pain is the best way to release the pain.
· Automatic reconciliation – although forgiveness may lead to reconciliation, it is not automatic. We forgive as a mean to heal us! Our attitude of forgiveness is not contingent on what the offender does or doesn’t do. (And reconciliation is always contingent on the attitude and actions of the offender.) Reconciliation requires: confession and repentance. It requires: remorse, reparation, and restitution. If these things don’t happen, then reconciliation is limited. However, WE can still forgive our offender and we do this so that we are not carrying them around in our person for the rest of our lives. Think of how heavy and debilitating that would be!!!!
Can you relate to any of these ideas? In the past, did you buy into the idea that forgiving meant that you had to excuse, tolerate, forget, dismiss/minimize, or reconcile? You don’t have to do any of these things when you forgive another. You simply are choosing to acknowledge what happened, how it hurt you, and you make a conscious choice to release your offender because they do not have the means or ability to pay you back for what they have done. They just don’t have that kind of “emotional” money. Then, you simply turn them over to your heavenly Father.
Think about the people in your life whom you have not forgiven. You may need to start a list. Write down the name of each person; what they did (or didn’t do). Write down how their behavior hurt you. Then, ask the Father to lead you through the process of forgiveness with each person on your list. Your list might include (although this might sound funny to you) … God and even yourself. Take your time. Don’t rush. Be thorough. Then, as you let each person go … as you release them, you will feel the benefit of releasing the person and their offense. I’m praying for you.
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