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Marriage is Tough

Murphy Toerner

1. Many of us did not know just how difficult marriage could be ... but the truth is ... being successfully married is one of the toughest things you will ever do.

2. There will be times when you look at your spouse and question what you ever saw in him/her.  This does not mean that you need to divorce.  It means that you have not been tending the relationship.  We all need to be intentional about connecting with our spouses because we can drift apart and not even know it.  Schedule some time together.  This might help you remember why you fell in love with yoru spouse. 

3.  Contrary to popular belief marriage takes a lot of work.  The myth is that if it is this difficult, maybe we married the wrong person.  Not true.  Even the best of friends have to work at staying close; family members have to work at staying connected ... marriage partners have to work at these things too.

4. There will be times when you will go to bed mad and you will get up in the morning and you will still be mad.  However, forgiveness and commitment are the balm for every marriage.

5.  Sex is important, but so is non-sexual touch.  Every couple needs both.

6. If you consistently have to have your way ... this is often at the expense of your spouse.  If you always "win," someone else is probably "losing."  The better way is to go for a "win / win" situation.  Work together at problem solving.  The relationship is more important than an individual "win."

7. Even the best of marriages will encounter conflict.  Conflict is a normal part of life.  So, the goal is not to avoid conflict at all cost, the goal is to learn to resolve conflict in healthy, life-giving ways.

8. Remember that you can only change yourself.  Quit trying to change the other person.

9. Remember that you are responsible for you own sense of well-being.  No one can make you happy or unhappy.  Happiness is a choice. 

10. Don't use the "D-word" (divorce) ever.  Couples tend to use it in an effort to control or manipulate the other person, but it only creates fear and insecurity.  Plus, once you have threatened divorce, your spouse will continually be afraid that you meant it.  Instead, devoutly keep your commitment to God and to each other.