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50 Years!!! Are You Kidding? Murphy Toerner     (Photo by M. Toerner, 2.18.07)

In God's economy, marriage is a covenant that is binding until death.  For most people who are married, marriage is merely a contract that can be broken when either of the parties are dissatisfied with how things are going.

God made the first covenants.  He made one with Adam.  He made one with Abram (also known as Abraham).  A covenant is binding.  It is a commitment; an agreement which is permanent and it is founded on the character of the two parties involved.  When we say our "vows" when we marry, we are giving our "word" that we will keep these commitments no matter what: "... for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; 'til death us do part."

It sounds serious and for good reason.  It is serious!  It is very serious business.

Most people in the last 20+ years have entered into marriage as though it were a contract.  That is why the divorce rate in the United States is over fifty percent.  Even before the wedding day arrives, most people have a hidden thought that if it does not "go well," they can simply "get out of the commitment" and find someone who is better suited for them.

The problem is that all of us are going to have days, weeks, or longer where our marriages are not easy.  For some of us, marriage will be one of the hardest things that we have ever done.  In fact, there will be times when we will see our spouse as our enemy and not the person we thought they were before we said our vows.  Where we once saw them as easy-going, now we see them as lazy.  Where we once saw them as decisive, now we see them as controlling.  Where we once saw them as engaging, we now see them as chatter-boxes who never shut up!

You see, the old adage, "Love is blind," is true.  Love is blind.  Usually we are so glad that someone seems like they "love us" that we are unable to really "see" everything that we need to see about the person we are in love with.  Another thing that I tell people is that, "You never know a person until you have shared a box of salt with them."  What this means is you will not really know a person until you live with them for the length of time it takes to literally use a box of salt in your every day cooking.  For those of you who have never thought of the time it takes to buy your second box of salt, ... it takes a long, long, long time. 

So the truth is, none of us fully know the person we are marrying.  None of us know how ugly they can be when they are stressed.  None of us know how selfish they can be when they are in their flesh.  None of know how hurtful they can be when they feel we have been hurtful. 

Can you see why the covenant thing is so important?  God knows that all of these dynamics will take place.  He knows all of the disappointments we will encounter.  He absolutely knows how sinful we are when we marry and how immature we are.  He is hoping that we will hang in there long enough for us to grow up ... literally ... grow up in to more mature, more loving and less selfish human beings  He uses marriage to accomplish this goal. 

Can you see why a "covenant" is necessary as opposed to a contract?  That is why the minister or priest says at the beginning of the marriage service, "Marriage is a holy institution and it is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly."  

So, where am I going with this?  If you are married and you are struggling, ask God to help you see how you need to grow up.  Ask God to help you be a covenant keeper and not a covenant breaker.  If you are engaged, stop thinking that your up coming marriage is something that you can get out of as easily as saying, "I do" or "I'm out of here."  Take the commitment seriously.

Praying for you...

Murphy