How Wise Are You?

There are two kinds of wisdom: the wisdom of man and the wisdom of God.

Man’s wisdom consists of:

  • Knowledge
  • Experience
  • Reasoning
  • Character
  • Philosophy
  • Intellect
  • Intuition
  • Discernment

God’s wisdom consists of:

  • Perfect Knowledge
  • Perfect Experience
  • Perfect Reasoning
  • Perfect Character
  • Perfect Truth (not philosophy)
  • Perfect Intellect
  • Perfect Understanding (not intuition)
  • Perfect Love

When you are faced with a decision or concern, be careful not to depend on the wisdom of man because it is limited and narrow in scope.  It can be easily tainted by fear and self-protection.

Instead of depending on the wisdom of man, which will ALWAYS be limited in some way, turn to God and His wisdom.  He will never let you down.  He will often ask you […]

John Gottman’s Love Maps Questions – Enhance Your Friendship

Excerpt from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Principle 1 — Enhance Your Love Maps, pp. 50-51.



By giving honest answers to the following questions, you will get a sense of the quality of your current love maps.  For the most accurate reading of how your marriage is doing on this first principle, both of you should complete the following.   Read each statement and write T for “true” or F for “false” by each number.  Then add up the number of T’s when you are finished.


  1. I can name my partner’s best friends
  2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently […]

You Can’t Force Maturity

It is perpetually difficult to be patient with the level of maturity (or lack of maturity) of the people who are in our lives:  spouses, friends, children/adult children, church family, bosses, co-workers, etc.  As a relationship coach and a licensed professional counselor (LA & TX), I hear people complain about how someone in their life, “just doesn’t get it.”

  • When will my adult child ever grow up?
  • I wish my husband would care more about ________.
  • My boyfriend always loses his temper over the silliest stuff!!!
  • My wife is such a complainer.  I wish she would just grow up!
  • There are countless other examples …

In […]

Be Happier At Home (reprint)

10 Simple Things to Make You Happier At Home

Posted by: Kris Heap in Happiness, Stress December 7, 2012 2 Comments 2262 Views

10 steps to happy.jpgThis is a post I found at and I thought it was pretty insightful. Enjoy!

Our homes are an extension of who we are: what we do within the walls of our abodes […]

By | October 5th, 2013|Categories: Christian Living, Healthy Living, Marriage Coaching, Personal Development|0 Comments

#1 – Initial Steps of Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be accomplished when:

  • The offender completely and thoroughly owns his/her actions, which caused the injury or offense.
  • The offender acknowledges the consequences of their actions.
  • The offender demonstrates a sincerity of heart and a sadness or regret over having injured the other person.
  • The offender conveys how they will change their future behavior.  They must be intentional about not hurting the offended person again in the same way.  There must be a change in behavior.

Forgiveness can be accomplished, but the final act of forgiving rests in the hands of the offended person.

(Murphy Toerner)

Top Ten Relational Needs

Top Ten Relational Needs …

1. Acceptance – receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior is imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you.

2. Affection – expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as, “I love you,” or “I care about you.”

3. Appreciation – expressing thanks, praise, or commendation, particularly in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts.

4. Approval (Blessing) – building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with […]

Burned Biscuits (reprint from an email)

Burned Biscuits

When I was a kid, my Mom like to make breakfast food for dinner every now than then.  I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.  I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed.

Yet, all my dad did was reached for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school.  I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I […]

By | May 14th, 2013|Categories: Healthy Living, Marriage Coaching, Parenting, Relationship Coaching|0 Comments

Plant a Spiritual Garden of Joy Today …

Plant a Spiritual Garden of Joy Today


Plant 5 rows of Peas:  Prayer, Perseverance, Politeness, Promptness, and Purity

Plant 3 rows of Squash:  Squash gossip, squash criticism, squash indifference

Plant 5 rows of Lettuce:  Let us be faithful to duty, let us be unselfish, let us be truthful, let us follow Christ, let us love one another

No garden is complete without Turnips:  Turn up for church; turn up with a smile; turn up with new ideas; turn up with determination to make everything count for something good and worthwhile.


Is there anything […]

Differentiation (Being Your Own Person) Part 3

Differentiation (Being Your Own Person)

“… we emerge from our family or origin at about the highest level of differentiation our parents achieved.  Our basic level of differentiation is pretty much established by adolescence and can remain at that level for life.  In the process of regulating their own emotions, poorly differentiated parents pressure their children for togetherness or distance, which stops children from developing their ability to think, feel, and act for themselves.  They learn to conduct themselves only in reaction to others.”  (p. 69)


“By now the paradoxes of differentiation should be clear:  while differentiation allows us to set ourselves […]

Differentiation (Being Your Own Person) Part 2

Differentiation (Being Your Own Person)

“Lack of differentiation alienates us from those we love.  Emotional fusion deceives us into thinking that we’re not connected and we move away in defense.  But the deeper truth is that we have to move away to counterbalance the tremendous impact we feel our spouse or significant other has on us.  Or, unable to turn away, we turn ourselves over to the connection, but it feels engulfing.” (p. 57)


“Differentiation is the ability to maintain your sense of self when your partner is away or when you are not in a primary love relationship.” (p. 67)


The differentiated […]

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